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Joke of the Day

"SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended. He was charged with impersonating a police officer."

"I hate people with artism"

"This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets."

"i can't believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die"

"The scariest part of the show ""I didn't know I was pregnant"" is that there are enough of these women to sustain an entire series."

"It's OK to go number 1 in the shower... ...unless you count like a computer programmer."

"ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude"

"A scared look and a ""let me go google that"" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist."

"[third date] Her: please quit calling me Jenny Me: oh my apologies Jennifer Her: my name is Amanda"

"Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach? They don't like getting sand in their crack."