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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand why some snacks are ""fun-sized"", there's really nothing ""fun"" about having a smaller portion of food."

"The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: ""Well..."" Suspended sentence"

"Sat here scratching my ass, spying on the neighbour washing her beaver, it dawns on me. We have some non-traditional pets on our cul-de-sac."

"What do you call an egotistical anorexic? A selfie stick."

"...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more"

"Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum"

"I like the phrase ""I wasn't born yesterday"" because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid."

"""Weight Watchers"" because ""Obesity Observers"" was too cerebral."

"Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it three times now."

"My wife says I'm irresponsible with money! No change there then."