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Joke of the Day

"""You can't stand there."" ""Not there, either."" ""Nope that spot's taken, too."" -Ground hogs"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ..."

"To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you"

"*coroner takes picture of my body after I'm brutally murdered* Me: delete it"

"I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today... ...he started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer."

"The scariest moment in any man's life is when his wife stops talking and it's his turn to say something in a conversation he's been ignoring"

"Cats get a pass bc they're ""Cleaning themselves"". Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!"

"I always write ""boing"" in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go."

"What do you call a carpet cleaning company based out of Ohio? Cleveland Steamers"

"This guy told me that he can see the future but he didn't even try to duck when I punched him in the face."