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Joke of the Day

"So I heard, that after a long debate, they finally announced the hide and seek champion of 2014. 1st place went to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370!"

"Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it."

"[On a date] Date: So what do you do? Me: I'm a taxidermist Date: Oh... wow. Fox: And a ventriloquist"

"A man gets shot in the foot. As he's driving to the hospital, he gets pulled over for speeding. The cop says to him, ""Someone's got a serious case of leadfoot."""

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.. ..You need a parachute to go skydiving twice."

"Why did kurt pull the trigger? He couldn't get hole out of his head"

"You're not a REAL American until you're at least 30 lbs overweight."

"Just had an idea for a book that'd be a good screenplay that'd make a great short that'd be an amazing blog that's totally a tweet."

"John Cena wakes up in the hospital He has no idea what is going on. A nurse walks into his room and he asks, ""Where am I?"" She responded, ""ICU."" He said,""No you don't."""

"What does a carpenter do after one night stand? A matching one for the other side of the bed."