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Joke of the Day

"What does a carpenter do after one night stand? A matching one for the other side of the bed."

"What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits! Courtesy of the popsicle I just enjoyed. Had to share. Have a great day."

"Why does a man name his penis? Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions."

"Why should you never high-five a Roman? They might give you Hi-V back!"

"Why did hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill. It was over nein thousand."

"Here's a fact about bees: They don't give a shit about your petty little problems. They've got a fucking job to do. Time is honey."

"Me: Things are going well. *knocks on wood* 5-year-old: Who's there? Me: It's not a knock knock joke. 5: It's not a knock knock joke who?"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change."

"Why was General Yoda afraid of April? Because March, April May."

"I put on my favorite disco album yesterday. My wife tried telling me disco was dead. I said ""No honey, it's not. You're thinking of your mother."