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Joke of the Day

"What does a carpenter do after one night stand? A matching one for the other side of the bed."

"My grandmother is like a fine wine that grows more racist with every year."

"Yerr a unit of power Harry! Im a watt?"

"Why do you bury lawyers 20 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people"

"How do people in the movies dig 6-foot deep graves with a shovel? I got tired digging a hole to plant a bush"

"My ex is having a really hard time moving on From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill."

"[comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?"

"I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger."

"Why do proctologists like Facebook? It's another chance to look up old friends."