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Joke of the Day

"whenever my mom criticizes me i yell ""it's probably genetic"" and run out of the room as fast as i can"

"What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer."

"I greet all my daughter's boyfriends with, ""I used to molest guys like you in prison."""

"How does a cow add and subtract? With a cowculator."

"I'm not only a workaholic, I drink at home too."

"What did the mathematician do when he was constipated? He worked it out with a pencil"

"My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. ""This parrot hasn't spoke a single word."" She complained. ""I haven't had a fucking chance to!"" Replied the parrot."

"My wife keeps complaining about her nine to five job I must admit, 4:51 is a strange time to start work"

"A guy travelling [sic] with his parrot... http://i.imgur.com/rTeps.jpg"

"How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 3: One to screw it in, another to film it, and a last one to say ""sick turns brah!"""