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Joke of the Day

"Recent studies have shown that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy"

"Pregnant coworker with 3 children who always complains about money: When are YOU going to start having kids? Me: When are you going to stop?"

"Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid"

"Wife: Don't you think the yard needs to be mowed? (from my recliner I check google maps satellite view of our house) Me: It looks fine to me"

"If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking."

"TIL that in some states, graffiti vandals are fined $100-200 per letter. So if you make a whole bunch of letters, you could end up with a hefty sentence."

"What film do you get when you pull your pants down? Free Willy"

"Ladies: A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...oh sorry thats wine...wine does that."

"What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called? A Sith."

"I do my best proofreading right after I hit send."