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Joke of the Day

"Visitor: You're very quiet Jennifer. Jennifer: Well my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose."

"What holds the moon up? Moonbeams."

"If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me."

"Three words What are three words that kills a guy's confidence... ""Is it in?"" Three words to kill a girl's confidence... ""I don't know"""

"The Wizard of Oz is my favorite children's book that teaches us that it's ok to steal shoes from someone as long as they're dead."

"[bursts into garage] ""why is your car still on? you've been in here for 3 days"" i'm trying to kill myself ""but you drive an electric car"""

"tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again."

"I'm an expert at killing flies I'm a member of the SWAT team"

"I'm surprisingly calm about Internet spoiling Star Wars to me. Who could believe Kylo Ren is actually vegetarian and grandson of General Akbar"

"Kanye West is now on Twitter. Since he doesn't follow anyone, not only will he not let you finish, he's not gonna let you start, either."