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Joke of the Day

"If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me."

"Bears can swim, climb trees, and open doors. Why aren't there ""BEWARE OF BEARS"" signs posted fucking everywhere?!"

"The spanish word of the day is ""Juicy"" ""TELL ME IF *JUICY* THE COPS!"""

"Toddlers always feel like the floor of a movie theater."

"ISIS Comic Did you hear about the ISIS comic? He bombed."

"Why did the whale have to go see his doctor? His diet was krill-in him."

"A girl just referred to New Kids On The Block as ""Classic Rock"" & now I understand why the world hates Americans."

"I just ended a 5 year relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship :P"

"I saw some guy stealing a gate last night... I thought not to shout at him cuz he might take a fence."

"A sushi bar but it's just lots of different puppies you can pick up and pet going round on the conveyor belt."