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Joke of the Day

"I think the same thing every time I pass one of those ""slow children"" signs... MAN, does this heroin make my skin itch!"

"Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday? Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!"

"Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel like being at work? I've been having one of those days for two fucking years now."

"What happens when a blonde wins a gold medal at the Olympics? She has it bronzed."

"A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist."

"I hate the beginning and I hate the end So that's why I became a midwife."

"When I die, I hope it's in a women's dressing room because if I become a ghost, that would be AWESOME!"

"I went to buy a Christmas tree today The cashier asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I reply, ""No you sick fuck I'll be putting it up in my living room!"""

"Two penguins are in the shower The first penguin turns to the other and says, ""Hey, pass the soap, please."" The second one replies, ""What do I look like? A typewriter?"""

"Don't make me use UPPERCASE."