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Joke of the Day

"I went to buy a Christmas tree today The cashier asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I reply, ""No you sick fuck I'll be putting it up in my living room!"""

"Did you hear about the guy who ate so many creole sausages that he had a fatal heart attack? They were his andouille-ing. [I'll see myself out...]"

"I don't get why lesbians are called dykes. People keep explaining to me, but the idea just doesn't hold water."

"When did the 100 years war get serious? When the English got Crecy"

"If a woman says, ""all men think with their dicks"" Well... then blow my mind."

"Yeah, I'm allergic to wheat, but I really like it so I eat it anyway. I'm a real gluten for punishment."

"How can you face you problem ..if your problem is your face"

"What does the Pope dip his chips in? Holy Guacamole"

"Everything is made in China... Except for babies, they are made in vachina."

"for several hours a day, we are just an arrow floating on a screen"