162261

Joke of the Day

"I went to buy a Christmas tree today The cashier asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I reply, ""No you sick fuck I'll be putting it up in my living room!"""

"Roadside sign holders are secretly geniuses because they get paid to do something a pole does for nothing."

"Jesus goes to a palm reader And she nailed it! Saw Gallagher last weekend and this had me in tears."

"How do you make a hippopotamus float? 2 hippos and a LOT of root beer."

"The best part of a handshake is the knuckles. I dunno why, but the blender just brings out their richness and flavour"

"Stop giving me life advice, people who don't know how crocodiles have sex."

"Two guys walk into a bar.... The third guy ducks. Lol"

"Trump to Implement Specific Insurance Plan He wants to have a toupee-er system."

"What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea. One shucks and fits and the other ..."

"Why should you never bully a dyslexic dwarf? Because it's not big and it's not clever!"