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Joke of the Day

"Why is the vagina also called pussy? Because, when the chick gets aroused, it gets all sticky, like it has pus in it. Get it? Pus-sy."

"What do you call a display of Australian patriotism? Stockholm Syndrome."

"If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read the paper?"

"What's the difference between a camera and a foot? A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)"

"Melania Trump is so dumb... She couldn't get a degree if her own husband opened a university. (edit: word)"

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed... 911 has been changed to a non-published number. Please make a note of it."

"Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime? He wanted to have some stage presents."

"What do nuclear physicists eat for lunch? Fission Chips."

"Don't go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us."

"Did you hear about the tumblr user who wrote a play about foxes? They called it Fennec-Kin's Wake"