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Joke of the Day

"My cat is rubbing herself all over me because she wants me to stroke her. It's like she's a drunk version of me."

"My Level of Maturity Changes Depending On Who I'm With"

"What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !"

"Had no idea why my salad was $175, 'til the waiter explained that they only use Beets by Dre."

"Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."

"She was going to tell a joke Guy: I was going to tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long. Girl: I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

"I won a competition where you had to make as many Freudian slips as you could in sixty seconds. It was a race against the cock."

"Rihanna was going to tweet about the Ebola crisis. Unfortunately Chris Brown beat her. Edit: unnecessary words"

"Trying to make a collage for my preschooler's art project using magazine cut-outs, but I keep ending up with ransom notes."

"Whats pink and smells awful? Your mums cunt lol"