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Joke of the Day

"I won a competition where you had to make as many Freudian slips as you could in sixty seconds. It was a race against the cock."

"Wind Farms..... I'm a big fan!"

"James Bond and Money Penny are locked in a trunk... Money Penny: What's that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus? Bond: my PPK? Money Penny: 'K"

"What did 0 say to 1? You're turning me on"

"My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend. But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences."

"I told my GF I was buying her some diamonds for her birthday. She said that nothing would please her more. So I got her nothing."

"This one's a classic from my childhood: Say the letter ""X"" ten times fast. \\_()_/ "

"What's brown and sticky? Seriously. Guess."

"Every day, my face wakes up 3-4 hours after the rest of me."

"Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour of course."