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Joke of the Day

"I'm so deep in the friend zone that she sends me nudes for approval before they go out to other guys."

"Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name? Because they can't spell toboggan."

"I'm catching a lot of Pokemon on my drive home... ... because the hospital stay after a car accident tends to make the commute last much longer."

"My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird."

"Today a three-year-old child who I've never met before told me to shut up, and I wasn't even talking."

"What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people."

"A Jewish girl asks her father for $50 ""$40 dollars!"" he says, ""Why do you need $30?!""."

"Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery. We're calling it Send Noods"

"I wouldn't say my butt plug the best sex toy... but it's definitely up there."

"A man finishes a tube of chapstick... ...just kidding."