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Joke of the Day

"I'm catching a lot of Pokemon on my drive home... ... because the hospital stay after a car accident tends to make the commute last much longer."

"How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?"

"I'm sorry I jumped on you, from a distance you looked like a conclusion."

"You know that chick who said, ""Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?""... Yeah, well I ate her."

"My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this."

"The beauty of meditation is it helps instill inner peace in someone that makes it easy to pick his pockets."

"If you legally change your name to 'You're Free to Go' then it's impossible to get arrested."

"Atleast there was one way that the new Ghostbusters was true to the original... It still had a black guy as one of the main cast."

"Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom."

"What's a vampire's favorite dance? The Vaults."