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Joke of the Day

"How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? She was reading her lips."

"Which US President was least guilty? Lincoln. He was in a cent."

"I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*"

"A Facebook friend just used the same number of exclamation points to say he's eating guacamole as he did to announce the birth of his kid."

"Can a guy with no eyebrows look surprised?"

"21st century kid on Santa's lap-""Yo santa, some more insta followers would be real dope for Christmas. Thanks bruh bruh"""

"Early christians supported marijuana usage. Just think about how many get stoned."

"Think of this election like turning on a racetrack You do have two decisions but it probably won't be right."

"I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse."

"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? Spirits."