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Joke of the Day

"A Facebook friend just used the same number of exclamation points to say he's eating guacamole as he did to announce the birth of his kid."

"How do you find the circumference of a sheep? Use shepherds pi"

"*pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*"

"This guy was so computer illiterate... When told to turn on a computer, he asked where he's supposed to rub it. :P"

"Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket."

"My daughter is late coming down to breakfast. Her 3 strips of bacon are getting cold. I mean 2 strips. Sorry, 1 strip. She'll have cereal."

"I was going to post a chemistry joke But then I thought ""Na, they won't like it"""

"What's the hardest part about fucking a cripple? Paralyzing her."

"In bed my wife calls my Jimmy John's. I cum freaky fast."

"Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom."