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Joke of the Day

"Can you see? I hate it when people ask what I will be doing in 5 years time? Sorry I just don't have 2020 vision"

"I've made the front page 5 times! The girls on /r/creepyPMs are really mean and don't understand the P means Private."

"What do you say to a thin American? ""How's the chemotherapy going?"""

"HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches and a peeping Tom watches snatches"

"Whenever I'm drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I'm exercising or if they know I'm hungover on laundry day."

"A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy. ""ephedrine?"" ""I can't serve you that"" ""sudoephedrine"" ""There you go""."

"I want to die peacefully, like my grandfather Not screaming, like the people in the bus he was driving."

"My girlfriend said I should be more Romantic... She didn't like my toga but the orgy was great!"

"It's not premarital sex If you never get married"