176635

Joke of the Day

"When Bill Gates's life flashes before his eyes, I hope it appears as PowerPoint presentation that employs every cheesy transition & effect."

"what did the breakfast burrito say after an all-nighter? ""I'm egg-sausaged"""

"If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them."

"In my experience, cross-eyed employees are the best deterrent against shoplifting. You just can't be positive that they're not watching."

"Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions"

"""Are you working right now? Where are you working?"" Facebook is worse than my parents."

"I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills."

"Kid, if you don't know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don't deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn't cry."

"How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Cut the rope. Anyone else have good black jokes?"

"Press 1 for English. Press 2 For shitty customer service in any language."