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Joke of the Day

"[consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read"

"Bullshit this steak's rare. They have it at like every restaurant!"

"So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it? Fowl ball"

"so embarrassing when u think u nailed the big interview and it turns out he was interviewing the guy behind u the whole time"

"I was gonna make a gay joke... But Fuck that"

"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look I'm changing!"

"*girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* ""oh no"" *I start building a deck* ""what have you done"" *grill turns itself on*"

"Two Unix experts are talking about their age... - What is your date of birth? - 0 - Ohh, nice I was born in January too."

"Why did little Jimmy cross the road? Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy"

"""If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-"" SHE ONCE COMMENTED 'FIRST' ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO *ring bearer vomits*"