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Joke of the Day

"*girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* ""oh no"" *I start building a deck* ""what have you done"" *grill turns itself on*"

"Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG"

"I really gotta start saying ""congratulations"" I instead of ""are you keeping it?"""

"What type of pants do you need to start a car? Cargo pants"

"Stop making jokes about gay porn! Come on guys! *edit* Here's one more joke I'm fucking serious guys!"

"What did the the physiatrist say to the electron You have a lot of negative energy built up"

"A Roman walks into a bar... He holds up 2 fingers and says ""Five beers please."""

"A Jewish kid asks his Dad: 'Dad, can I have 50 pence please?' The father replies: '40 pence?! what do you want 30 pence for?'"

"I saw a huge spider wearing a turban and carrying an AK-47 yesterday and I shit myself. I'm guessing I have Iraqnophobia."

"Give a man a fish... Give a man a fish and he'll throw it out and go to McDonald's. Teach a man to fish, and nope, still McDonald's."