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Joke of the Day

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to hold it in place and forty more to get drunk enough to make the room start spinning."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather Not screaming in terror like his passengers"

"They say acid is a gateway drug.. But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!"

"I don't drink any more. Or any less."

"A man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. The librarian stares at him for a while and then asks ""But who is going to bring it back?"""

"I've been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I'm an airport building. Hope it's not terminal."

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn't know. You weren't there..."

"Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac? because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)"

"Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!"