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Joke of the Day

"It's hard to find a good babysitter who doesn't mind being paid in heroin."

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a Bic lighter? Zippos are heavy. A Bic is just a little lighter."

"How does George W. Bush do well on his high school midterms? He uses study strategeries."

"Why do you never buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove."

"What's long and hard? The sock under my bed."

"Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead."

"My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh more."

"My girlfriend dreamt that I slept with her friend... So I tried to reassure her. I said, ""Baby. Please. That's crazy - I have never slept with your friend. Trust me, you've never even met the girl""."

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."

"Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter."