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Joke of the Day

"Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter."

"What's a Porn Star's favorite spell? Expecto Erection"

"I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, ""I'm crap at fishing and need some tips"". The man said, ""Okay, can you hold the line?"" I said, ""No""."

"Every time I go for a run I think ""why am I even doing this?"" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like ""oh yeah, duh."""

"I asked Santa for a new energy policy... ...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-("

"Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it's too cheesy."

"Guy calls his boss and says ""I can't come in, I'm sick"". Boss says, ""you don't sound sick to me"". Guy says, ""I just got done fucking my dog how much sicker could I be?"""

"Trapped in a crevice. ""Go on boy, get help."" The dog chews off my one free arm. ""Ok yeah bring that back to town I guess"""

"Sex so good, you get out of bed to see which neighbor is having it."

"ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I'm bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You're expelled"