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Joke of the Day

"I don't have a girlfriend.. I just know someone that would be really mad if they ever heard me say that"

"I went to the local buy and sell to see if there were any cool old jack in the boxes. But nothing jumped out at me."

"What did the Mexican firefighter call his son?? Jose"

"How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change."

"If you want to make God laugh.... ...tell him your plans."

"If I could have any superpower in the world It would have to be Cold War era Russia."

"ME[David Attenborough voice] Starting with the outer layers he'll devour the entire carcass HER: are you narrating yourself eating lasagna?"

"A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans. 'I'm sorry sir' said a cashier 'the loan arranger is out to lunch.' 'Can I speak to Tonto then?' asked the man."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, I have that vinyl at home."

"I finally found out what FDA stands for. Fucking Die Already"