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Joke of the Day

"How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change."

"My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma."

"Honey I Shrunk the Kids IV: They shrink everyone on earth on purpose The planet will never run out of resources Everyone is eaten by ants"

"How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley"

"The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com They cited Eminem domain"

"What do you call a shifty midget in a police line up? A little suspect"

"I don't like it when my phone puts a word in ""quotals"" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something."

"Common sense: Walk away. Me: No."

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney."

"Just looked in my 8 yr old son's bedroom and I'm pretty sure it can't be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere."