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Joke of the Day

"Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal."

"All phones can be categorized into two groups You have the iPhones, then you have the good phones."

"What is the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass."

"Me: I can't believe that they're still together after all the shit they have been through! Friend: Who? Me: My ass cheeks. I've got a bad case of diarrhea!"

"Starfish would be great politicians. They do shit out of their mouths after all."

"I've managed to build a car without a reverse gear or a steering wheel. It's pretty straight forward really."

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches."

"A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming The doctor responds,""I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE"""

"This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I'm pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five."

"What are Mario's overalls made out of? Denim denim denim."