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Joke of the Day

"Guy walks into a doctors office.. Guy walks into a doctor's office, wearing nothing but saran wrap. The doctor looked at him and said ""Clearly, I can see your nuts."" (Buddum-bum)"

"You know those dirty movies that come on late at night? If one of those actresses doesn't feel comfortable doing a certain dirty scene, they use a cunt double"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a prostitute? You can order one of them without mushrooms."

"Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail"

"ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*"

"[my funeral] PRIEST: dearly beloved... *respectful silence from guests* PRIEST: ...and steve ME FROM INSIDE COFFIN: lmao get roasted steve"

"How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes."

"Hi, I'd like to order a baby ""Excuse me?"" It says here you deliver babies? ""Sir this is a hospital"" [vampire quickly hangs up phone]"

"I went to the doctors the other day. I said ""every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm!"" ""Have you been taking anything for it?"" He asked. ""Yeah, pepper"""

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow! Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""