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Joke of the Day

"ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*"

"Louis FarraKhan and Jeffery Dalmer walk into a bar... ehhhh I got nothin.. just thought that would be a hilarious start to a joke."

"You got me... If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?"

"I dreamt I was in a very magical world where people didn't get butthurt over every little f*cking joke. Weird huh?!?!"

"What do you call a disputatious horse? A naahh sayer. Credit:14 yr old me."

"My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them."

"Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine. Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool"

"I started carrying a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago Since then my muggings have been much more successful."

"What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty."

"Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder."