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Joke of the Day

"ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*"

"Dad Dinosaur: Look son a shooting star make a wish! Angsty Teen Dinosaur: I wish it would hit us and kill us all."

"If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser."

"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."

"[NSFW] What's black and blue and hates sex? The little boy in my trunk."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work"

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"I hava a blind chinese friend His name was Kenneth Sy"

"Chuck Norris died yesterday. He's fine today."

"New band. I'm starting a new band with 5 homosexual Mexicans. Juan Direction."