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Joke of the Day

"What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive oil."

"After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, ""you'll need your receipt."" I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life..."

"The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material."

"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."

"I put methanol in the punch bowl... ...and now I can't find the punch line."

"T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys."

"""I'll drink to that."" -me to my next drink"

"What is the least pleasant state to live in? Missouri."

"For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there'd be one less blogger."

"How did Moses part the Red Sea? He used a Sea-saw."