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Joke of the Day

"Did ya hear that the price of coal is so high Santa can't afford to give it away anymore? All of the bad kids are stuck trying to steal oil."

"What did the police man say when he arrested the remote control that beat up his wife? 'I charge you with battery'"

"Sorry if this comes across as offensive... Two dyslexic men attempt to rob a train. One man shouts to the carriage ""Air in the hands motherstickers!"" The other man shouts ""This is a fuck up!"""

"Women are like helicopters... You know they work and you trust them, but if you make any effort to understand them whatsoever you'd be too terrified to go near them."

"How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana."

"Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold? The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) [No I am not a dad]"

"What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama."

"Theft solution: Tits. Nobody is thinking about larceny when they're looking at tits. So ladies, help stop crime... show us your tits."

"Defending why he has a dislike of gay guys... Ok look I know they're not all bad but you have to admit they hang around a lot of assholes."

"""so doc... am I dying?"" ""we're all dying, just at different speeds"" ""but what about me"" ""You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"""