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Joke of the Day

"Well, they warned me that I'd go blind if I kept doing that... Sitting too close to the TV."

"Well hello, ""Party-Size"" bag of Doritos. Welcome to my party! There will be no other guests."

"I know where you live In a house"

"I like my women how I like my microwaves With children in them"

"What do you call a gnome that muffs a fairy ? Goblin...."

"The SS officer went blind... when he did NOT-SEE things."

"I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time."

"""Look, daddy! I'm a doctor!"" ""Did you know that's the same doctor kit I played with as a ki... OMG YOU DIDN'T LICK ANY OF IT, DID YOU?"""

"Why didn't the life guard save the hippy? Beacuse he was to ""far out man""."

"A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table... ...one full of water in case he gets thirsty, one empty in case he doesn't."