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Joke of the Day

"The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow."

"It's strange that most republicans are homophobic... especially when they're obsessed with screwing all the gay guys in the country."

"Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try"

"Don't kill yourself over a boy, he'll bring another girl to your funeral."

"What's the difference between my penis and a midget dressed as a mouse? Both are small and scare women away... :("

"What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water? Bob."

"Q: What kind of spy hangs out in department stores? A: A counter spy."

"The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon."

"What part of a car is the laziest? The wheels. They are always tired."

"What does an old woman's qwiffy taste life? Depends ."