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Joke of the Day

"*pushes math homework away in 1990* I'll never need this *getting yelled at by subway customer in 2014* I WANT THE BREAD CUT LIKE A RHOMBUS"

"What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads."

"teacher asked a boy ............ if you have ten chocolates and you give 2 to girl on first bench 3 to second and 5 to last bench girl then what will be left for you reply : three new girl friends"

"A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. ""Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to see a doctor."""

"So a beautiful girl I met was coming to my house.. But I was afraid of getting a boner, so I taped my dick to my leg. She shows up in a mini-skirt, smoking hot.. so I kicked her in the face."

"What do you call scriptures for blind people? The holy braille"

"Such a sad day - a friend of mine died of heartburn Still can't believe Gaviscon"

"What's a pirates favorite thing to eat? The booty."

"What do dyslexic sysadmins eat for breakfast? Cronflakes."

"What's the difference between a microwave and anal? A microwave doesn't brown your meat. Courtesy of Chuck Palahnuik at his reading for 'Beautiful You' in Phoenix last night."