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Joke of the Day

"Checking Your Phone To See What Time It Is... And Then Checking It Again Because The First Time You Wernt Paying Attention! Awkward."

"I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit."

"What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application? There's no accounting for taste."

"What do you call a german that does the exact opposite of what he says to do? A hypokrout."

"TV Anchor: I don't have my Halloween costume yet but it's going to be cool and wet! Me: Wow you go girl! TVA: turning to weather... M: Oh..."

"Bruce Springsteen isn't very good at math I don't think anyone's heard him count past the number 4 in years."

"What does Harambe order when he goes to a restaurant? He gets the kids meal."

"Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"Spelling error to avoid: ""Biden"" is the name of the Vice President, ""bidet"" is your butt-washer."

"A dick has a sad life... Its hair is a mess, its family is nuts, its neighbor is an asshole, its best friend is a pussy, and its owner beats it."