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Joke of the Day

"Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes I'll save it for your tea."

"My friend never shuts up about lemon-lime flavored, caffeine-free sodas To sprite our differences we're still good friends."

"How do you tell which potato on the street corner is the prostitute? It has a sticker on it that says ""Idaho."""

"What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him? No hard feelings."

"A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, ""The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."""

"Worst idea you'll ever have is oiling your 4 year-old's squeaky bedroom door. Congratulations, you just made a ninja."

"It's going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I've got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour.."

"I had the bottom bunk in my college dorm... I was always getting fucked over by my roommate. *I'll see myself out...*"

"SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year ME: what the hell are you talking about"

"I'm not keen on Neanderthal comedy. It's very low-brow humour."