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Joke of the Day

"This is a bit cruel, but one of my favorites: What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The Wheelchair."

"What do you call someone who has blonde hair, blue eyes and worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster? A Pastafaryan."

"How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and other to drink until the room spins."

"What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer? Ice is."

"The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing ""Stay With Me"" into a megaphone."

"I'm all about fitness fit'ness whole burger into my mouth"

"Wife: ""The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."" Husband: ""Which is this?"""

"I'd say I'm a down to earth guy... but that's mostly because of gravity..."

"Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident."

"I had to get new tennis shoes this weekend my old ones were pretty run down"