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Joke of the Day

"HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten."

"Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission."

"Two tampons are walking down the street. One is a name brand, and the other is generic. Which one talks to you first? Neither. They're stuck up bitches."

"Who comes up with these names? A casino novice like me can get into real trouble at something called a craps table."

"What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold."

"Girlfriend: ""What's senior year without a little slacking?"" Me: ""Junior year."""

"Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator. EDIT: In regards to BattletardBlacknigga, I also heard this joke from my dad. Which was awkward but made it funnier in a weird way....."

"What does Neil Patrick Harris call his toilet? His Dookie Houser"

"My inability to proofread increases by 1000% after I press send. Danmit"