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Joke of the Day

"HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten."

"What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck? A Christmas-Quacker!"

"What's red and smells like yellow paint? Red paint"

"Why did the pregnant woman love to tell jokes? Because she had a pun in the oven!"

"The hard life of a dick... ...his hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his next-door neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"Why am I not afraid of Michelle Obama banning soda pop? She said ""If you like your Dr. Pepper, you can keep your Dr. Pepper."""

"My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. ""Where are you?"" she moaned. ""I'm at the pub."" I replied. She said, ""I think the baby's coming!"" I said, ""Well, he won't get in. He's underage."""

"Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: ""I was artificially inseminated this morning."" ""I don't believe you,"" replies Dolly. ""It's true, no bull!"""

"*Good Will Hunting* Professor: are you the janitor who's been solving the math equations? me: [writing '80085' on every chalkboard] yes?"

"Misery: Hello there! Company: I have a boyfriend..."