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Joke of the Day

"Who comes up with these names? A casino novice like me can get into real trouble at something called a craps table."

"What's your new year's resolution? Mine is 1440 * 900."

"Whenever your ex says, ""You'll never find someone like me."" You reply with ""That's the point."""

"How do you know when a woman is about to say some thing intelligent? She starts her sentance with ""A man once told me"""

"Best way to speed date: ""What's your favorite subreddit?"" ""What's a subreddit?"" ""Next."""

"When you hold me, I'd prefer it not be ""accountable."""

"Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed. Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter."

"What U.S. State has the smallest sodas? Minisoda"

"*4yo son, crying* I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace? *sigh* Parenting is hard."

"Have you heard the joke about German sausage? It's the wurst."