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Joke of the Day

"Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway? Because there's a parrot on the shoulder."

"Why do black people have white hands? There's a little good in everybody."

"My therapist claims I'm a narcissist, but what does he know? Clearly not as much as me."

"I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere."

"It would be awesome to have friends as committed to keeping in touch as much as bill collectors are."

"Men are not sexist Because being sexist is wrong and being wrong is what women do."

"You can put the word ""blood"" in front of ""oranges"" and people will still eat them. Don't even try it, bananas."

"Three drums and a cymbal rolled down a hill ba dum dum ching"

"I don't get why everybody hates on ISIS.... Their drug policy, for one, is incredibly progressive. Women get stoned legally over there all the time!"

"Why can't you hear Django coming? The D is silent."