165288

Joke of the Day

"You can put the word ""blood"" in front of ""oranges"" and people will still eat them. Don't even try it, bananas."

"In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary."

"What did the ghost say to the prostitute? You're a horror!"

"What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook."

"I don't understand why banks keep their pens chained to the counter If I trust you with my money, then you should trust me with your pen!"

"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"

"Have you guys heard about the guy who got his left side cut off? well he's all right now"

"all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it's gone"

"""When I learned how to edit videos I felt like the Flash..."" Friend: ""Why, because you fast learner?"" Me: ""No, because I fucked up the timeline."""

"just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I'm gonna need a minute"