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Joke of the Day

"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down."

"I've been leaving a dollar in every book I read my entire life for my kids to find when it's my time to go. I'm already up to like 3 bucks."

"How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be? Use LED based paint."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its paws and a comma is the pause at the end of a clause."

"What does the Illuminati smell like? New World Odor"

"Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers"

"Why do melons have traditional marriages? Because they cantaloupe"

"Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards? Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor"

"My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles Straight until you get them wet."

"Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside"