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Joke of the Day

"Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected"

"If you don't pay your exorcist You get repossessed"

"I'm finally part of the cool crowd! *waddles off with colony of penguins*"

"To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome"

"Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him you're a mile away and you have his shoes."

"Was just reading a new book with a great female hero And I can say I'm addicted to this heroine."

"What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat? One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different"

"How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with ""A man once told me..."""

"The most attractive thing about you is your gravity."

"*visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* ""Make yourself at home"" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*"