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Joke of the Day

"me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES"

"I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. ""Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."""

"*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* ""are you expecting a child?"" ""no thats from all the beer"""

"Ready to earn money staring at my screen all day so I can afford to go home & stare at my screen all night, repeating the process unto death"

"If someone ever intimidates you just remember that they're 70% water. *Are you afraid of water...?* Well you should be 300,000 people drown every year."

"Their are only three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who cant."

"[2 T-Rex's getting drunk] ""I'm wasted."" ""Me too. You know how bad?"" ""Don't say it again."" ""I can't feel my face."" ""Goddammit, Kevin."""

"What did the priest say to the child at the playgrounds? Its a slippery slope."

"You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive."

"I hate people who don't know the difference between ""your"" and ""you're"" There so stupid"