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Joke of the Day

"DJ Khaled is at a bar... *He has already had 10 shots* The bartender asks him if he's done or not... DJ Khaled says,""Nope I'll have Another One."""

"What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely? An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible...."

"People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool."

"Tony Romo, Michael Vick, and Eli Manning walk into a bar... ...to watch the playoffs."

"The closest I've come to a threesome is watching my wife and the nurse roll their eyes at the same time while I'm getting weighed."

"Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own."

"these tweets brought to you by me waiting to hear back from my weed guy"

"What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A-flat miner"

"Q: How do you reuse a condom? A: Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"What's Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game? Mein Kraft."