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Joke of the Day

"[on the way to the hospital] GF: ""let me get this straight. You thoug-"" Me: I thought that the mouse trap would detect that I am not a mouse"

"To my fellow graduates; don't you forget about me Just something to instil into your simple minds. I am *not* proud of this."

"Knock knock Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never-mind, it's pointless."

"CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too"

"If the opposite of con is pro... Is the opposite of constitution, prostitution?"

"An slow witted poultry farmer says to his friend, ""If can guess how many chickens I have in this bag... ...I'll give them both to you!""."

"What is a detective duck supposed to do? Quack the case! I'll show myself out."

"I think the funnest part of a prostate exam is when I fake an orgasm."

"I went to China and couldn't find a single Catholic church... I guess they must have heard about the ""One-child only"" policy"

"What do Atilla the Hun and John the Baptist have in common? Their middle name."