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Joke of the Day

"What is a detective duck supposed to do? Quack the case! I'll show myself out."

"What is an autobiography? The life story of an automobile."

"A lot of people have been asking me what I'll be doing in 5 years' time? C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"*passenger next to me starts putting on headphones* Are you mad at me?"

"Got pretty embarrassed at the party last night. Totally looked like I peed my pants 'cuz I spilled my glass of pee into my lap"

"Being an adult means assuming someone's dead every time your parents call you at work."

"A young couple are in the middle of an argument... Man: ""Yeah well, your hemorrhoids are disgusting!"" Woman: ""At least they stay out of my asshole!"""

"If you successfully toss a quarter 5 times through the moving blades of a ceiling fan, you are talented and stoned."

"Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi"

"What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses? Hippocampus!"