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Joke of the Day

"I love it when I run into people I know at my psychiatrist's office... Because I'm like, ""Hey, you're crazy too? Cool."""

"What do you call a sick bird from Mars? An ill Eagle alien. Original joke created for my 5 year old."

"Hitler was the worst track runner he couldn't even finish one race"

"A Jewish son asks his dad for five dollars... The dad replies, ""Four dollars?! What do you need three dollars for?!"""

"I'm getting my wife's name tattooed on my penis So I can keep beating her long after she's gone (I'm so sorry)"

"HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers? ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down."

"For me, eating fast food is like going out on a date and finding out the person you're with is racist. Either way, you're going to end up alone in your apartment using up all the toilet paper."

"When the inventor of USB stick dies.. They'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it the other way, then lower it again."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small. *A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome*"

"MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face."