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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sick bird from Mars? An ill Eagle alien. Original joke created for my 5 year old."

"I went to the zoo the other day. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu."

"If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones."

"I'm going to wear a Seahawks jersey to my next exam so I know that i'll pass."

"Baby needs a costume? Wrap it in tin foil. Baked potato. Next question."

"TERMINOTOR: come with me if u want to live ME: ok cool *just sits there* TERMINOTOR: COME WITH ME IF-- ME: ya i got it. im good right here"

"BABY BOSS: we need to talk about your work ethic ME: *covers face with hands* BABY BOSS: oh guess he's out for lunch. I'll talk to him later"

"*calls hotel front desk* ""Hi is the stuff in the mini bar free?"" No sir, you will be billed for any- ""Someone robbed my mini bar"""

"What does Bruce Lee drink when he's thirsty? Wa-TAH!"

"Why did the baker have so many customers? He desperately kneaded the dough!"