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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sick bird from Mars? An ill Eagle alien. Original joke created for my 5 year old."

"I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me ""you know Hitler was also a vegetarian"" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing"

"What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime? Econoclasts."

"What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe? Fur traders."

"What do you call a psychic on /b/? A 4Chan-Teller"

"Everyone's unique! For instance, I like milk in my coffee, but other people are dying of malnutrition."

"ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean"

"[in bed] Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack? Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you"

"I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball."

"Q: When is a school paper not a school paper? A: When it's turned into the teacher."